Thank God we have the likes of Carolyn Cormack of the Australian Christian Lobby campaigning on our behalf against the "rapid erosion of traditional family values and ethics in Australia".

Why just the other day I was thinking the Apocalypse draws near, what with the very moral fabric of our society being, according to the ACL, "eroded by self-serving interest groups who have achieved unwarranted political influence". And they weren't referring to the National Party either.

There, in a quiet house, in a quiet suburban street, are two men, living together, sharing the same bed, walking their dogs together along Kedron Brook of a morning flaunting their sin, raising a middle finger to the heavens just daring a lightning bolt to strike.

Where will it end? Next their kind – aided and abetted by various apologists from the loony left – will want to be treated, in a legal sense, like "normal" couples. Don't be mistaken, these are the sort of people who spread the twin scourges of drugs and porn ography through the ranks of our innocent children.

They are post-modern libertarians who would embrace the concept of having other religions – pagan beliefs that go against the Word of the One True God and his only son the Lord Jesus Christ – taught in our schools.

But yea though I stumble through the valley of Queensland politics, I will fear no liberal values, for Carolyn art with me, her dogma and her moral righteousness they comfort me.

Armageddon will be a good fight with Carolyn by our side. Already she has vanquished the forces of political correctness and forced a humiliating backdown by the State Government over proposed changes to religious education.

How dare our secular leaders consider offering the option of other than purely Christian religious education in schools? Before you could say "Father, Son and Holy Ghost", half our kiddies would be kneeling on west-facing mats praying to other deities.

The other half – at least those not smoking drugs and fornicating behind the bike shed – would be learning witchcraft before you know it.

Our schools would soon be over-run with yashmaks, skull-caps and saffron robes. We need to teach "alternative religion" subscribers that they are wrong. When they embrace our brand, then will they discover the meaning of tolerance and understanding.

I'm also pleased to discover from a brief search of the web – which will soon be made much easier for me when Carolyn and the ACL have a special filter installed on my computer so I don't see any potentially sinful images – that drugs are also on the agenda.

That will just lead to pregnancies. And unwanted babies just divert valuable proselytising time to the task of thrusting right-to-life leaflets at people outside fertility clinics. Only people like Carolyn understand the God-fearing society we should live in, where family values are as cut and dried as they are ill-defined.

And even more importantly, she understands the power of ill-defined catch phrases like family values even when bellowed by a self-appointed moral minority. What a campaigner – striking fear into the godless hearts of our political masters.

Oppose our policy agendas and we will mobilise to hurt you at the polling booth. And damn any notion of the separation of church and state to hell.

Who's list? The Christians of Australia, the 68 per cent of the population who ticked the Christian box at the last census. We represent them, you know, even if they haven't heard of us yet.

That religious education in Queensland schools malarkey – we got 9000 signatures rustled up lickety-split from a population of 4 million. Do your sums. And we'll give you a scorecard on candidates for the next state election. Just remember that because it comes from us, it will be a sound Christian guide to how you should cast your vote.

Memo to Carolyn Cormack: I was one of the two-thirds of Australians who ticked the Christian box at the last census. But you don't speak for me, you don't speak for my family, and you don't speak for my friends. If you want to play politics, perhaps you should ask your claimed constituents what they believe first.

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