Within this Internet was a young visionary named Tom who decided to let people essentially create trading cards of themselves, then collect and trade those self-profiles with friends in a howling orgy of networking. Only in this scenario, soccer-team Jesse doesn't get to screw you out of all your Ken Griffey Jr. cards. In this scenario, you're the one who's in control.

Now Tom's a billionaire who sold his invention to a mogul named Rupert, and myspace is a real phenomenon. According to an article I either read or made up, something like ten hundred and fifty million gazillion new people join myspace every thirty seconds. Now even I'm on it! And if What's So Funny's down with a trend, you know that shit's the bomb. (Yes, I still occasionally use "bomb.") I currently have over 120 friends, and this time, Mother, not one of them is imaginary, so put that in your drive-me-to-therapy-three-times-a-week-just-because-I-drew-one-picture-of-a-guy-in-a-noose pipe and smoke it. Myspace is great. Not only can I keep in touch with friends and well-wishers, but I can also track down ex-girlfriends and threaten them. Boy, do they get nervous. With myspace, everybody wins.

At Littleton High School, junior Bryan Lopez got all blog up in that ass when he wrote satirical commentary about his high school -- knocking the condition of the building, taking a few jabs at the staff -- and posted it on his myspace page. Lopez had made sure that no one could access his screed without a code, but someone with the code apparently copied the questionable text onto his own myspace page, whereupon it became public. A concerned parent saw Lopez's work, bitched to the school, and Lopez was suspended for fifteen days -- until the American Civil Liberties Union intervened, speaking softly and carrying a you're-all-fucking-crazy-there's-a-thing-called-the-First-Amendment stick, and the school reversed its decision.

It's not likely that Evergreen High School will do the same. A student there was promptly suspended after someone saw that Johnny McGunsalot had posted a photograph of himself with a gat on his myspace page. And not only was Johnny suspended, but he was arrested and charged with three misdemeanor counts for being a juvenile in possession of a handgun. I wonder if he'll send out e-vites to the trial?

Then, at Overland High School, upstart Sean Allen recorded his teacher ranting about Bush, narced him out and birthed a shitstorm. But what should appear on Allen's myspace page? Little Sean doing standup comedy, waxing controversial on candy bars, fat chicks and killing Jehovah's Witnesses. Free speech just became a tricky two-way street, didn't it?

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